A privilege to have my heart broken by you.
The Fault In Our Stars
Whenever she got ready, I used to stare. This one night she looked even more stunning. She was dressed in black pinstripe trousers, white shirt and pinstripe jacket.
She caught me staring. “What?” She was putting on her make-up.
“You look gorgeous.”
“I look like a heifer.” She would carry on putting on her eyeliner. She took a step back from the mirror. “Now I look like a heifer wearing blusher.”
Weight was always an issue for her. I never saw it, but she was never happy with the way she looked.
“Right. That’s as good as it gets today. Let’s go.”
Another night out. I made sure at least the first drink was juice.
We had gone out for her friends party. There were already a dozen or so people there.
She kissed her friend and handed him the CD she had bought.
“Thank you so much. For the present and for coming. Grab a seat and some food.” We chose seats in the sun. There were already a group of people round the table talking and eating. We knew a couple of them but inevitably she started talking to the rest. After about ten minutes she actually remembered to introduce me. I used to just let her talk. Someone asked how we met. She was telling them about me being a romantic and I thought this was all going so well.
One of the girls turned to her boyfriend and punched his arm.
“Why can’t you be more like that?”
He groaned, “You give boyfriends a bad name.”
“I’m lucky if he gets me flowers from the garage on my birthday.”
“Once, and it wasn’t my fault your birthday was on a Sunday and the supermarket was already closed by the time I had left the pub.”
“He is not as perfect as you all think, you know.”
AND HERE WE GO…
“There was this time when we were supposed to be going out to dinner….” She was now in full flow, playing to the audience.
“We were going to dinner and he brought me round this CD tower. He hated the fact they were scattered all over my room and decided to do something about it. The worse thing was, I was all dressed up and ready and he insisted on putting all my CD’s in alphabetical order. He even checked all the CD’s to make sure they had the right discs in them. It took two hours.”
A general snigger.
We ended up with pizza.”
“And it cost me a handbag.”
One of the guys leaned in and looked interested.
“So when there is more than one release by the same artist, do you put them in date release or alphabetical order?”
His girlfriend whacked him with a packet of crisps.
“Then…” OH GOD THERE’S MORE.
“About a week later we were round my landlords’ house and he offered to put his CD collection in order as well!”
“Brilliant.” Everyone started laughing. I wanted the ground to just swallow me up.
“The worst of it was, having done that, my landlord then got him to do the same thing to his porn collection.”
“Alphabetical masturbation. Genius.”
I looked at Victoria and winked. “Another drink, dearest Sweetheart?”