You’re out of your tree.
It’s not my tree.
Benny and Joon
We had to go and see her parents. A long drive to the middle of somewhere rural so I had arranged to pick her up at nine o’clock. I had to take my parents to the airport first as they were going on holiday.
Then the plan was I would ring her before I left home at seven, just to make sure she was awake.
There was no reply.
I got home and sent her a text, no reply, so made tea and cereal and sat staring at my phone.
I thought I should really make the effort, so started to ring every five minutes, but got no reply.
I knew it. Driving round her flat, I knew she would need poking with a big stick. A pointy one.
I banged on the door, kept ringing, shouting up to the window, but the blinds did not move. Well not hers. The neighbours looked fairly unimpressed and some old woman in a pink headscarf shook her head at me.
“Where are you?” I cupped my hands either side of my mouth as if this made any difference.
Four phone calls later.
“Hello.” I had finally woken her.
“You need to get up. We are going to be really late.”
“Why? What time is it?”
“It’s quarter past late. Let me in.”
The line went dead.
I leant against the door. I could hear footsteps scuffing on the carpet. Slowly the door opened.
Her hair was matted round her neck. Her make up was smeared over her face.
“Oh crap.” I went to kiss her and thought better of it. “You smell like someone who drank too much the night before. Let’s get you ready.”
“Don’t want to. Tired.”
I followed her upstairs. I loved watching her wiggle as she walked.
“Get in the shower and I will make you tea and toast.”
The tea mustn’t be too strong and most importantly the toast needed to be lightly toasted and have Marmite thinly scraped. Too much spread and she would never eat it and I’d never hear the end of it.
By the time it was done and I took it upstairs, she was at on the edge of the bed straightening her hair. She had jeans and a white shirt. She just glared at me.
“Why didn’t you wake me earlier?”
“That’ll be it. I sat downstairs laughing to myself until we were really late.”
“How do I look?”
“Great. As always.”
“Liar. Mum will know I got drunk last night.”
“I don’t want all the questions.”
“It won’t be that bad.”
“Yes it will. We need to stop and get some mints on the way there.”
She took this giant can of body spray and drowned herself in it. “I smell like I poured the drink over me, not drank it.”
“By the end of the night, you were.”
“Thanks. That helps.”