A reindeer is not a horse with antenna

We all have baggage, just find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.


So… it was obvious to me I did not have the personality to pull off two conquests. I had one and blew that so this was not going to end well.

And I thought it inappropriate to drug her. And I didn’t want her to do that to herself to get through spending time with me.

There was virtually no time to speak to her much during the first couple of weeks she was there. I saw her on the first day and greeted her and the other new starters and showed them into the  induction.

I am sat one evening, talking to Adam about it all. He worked in another department now and I saw less of him.

“I gave her the wink and the smile.”

“She probably thought you had a nervous condition. And wind.”

“We would pass each other on the stairs when she came out of training for breaks and lunch. She would always smile and speak. She would look at me when I walked past the window of the training room.”

“Did you kiss her through the glass, leaving a saliva trail?”

“Do you want to hear this?”


“I walked out of the office behind her one evening when she finished work and watched her get into a car. The guy driving was around her age. He kissed her.”

“An over friendly brother?”

“Of course she wasn’t single, she was way too nice for that. She didn’t even notice me watching as they drove off down the road together.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t run down the road and grab hold of the bumper.”

“There were only a few desks left when she came out to start her job properly and she was sat almost directly behind me.”


“Convenient, but accidental. As if…”

“Sorry. Of course.”

“I always got there early, things with Anna dictated the less time I spent at home the better.


“It was a Tuesday morning. Head office were hassling me to get reports to them by 9am. As I opened the office door, there were footsteps. It was Victoria. She had a face like thunder.”

“Not a good start. Two women annoyed with you in one morning.”

“She told me she wasn’t a morning person and I would learn. She had loads to do apparently. She said she would rather be in bed.”

“Was that an invite?”

“I asked her that.”

“Did she laugh and kiss you passionately?”

“She told me not to flatter myself.”


“I made her coffee.”

“You make rubbish coffee.”

“She didn’t know that. Anyway it broke the ice.”

“What the coffee? I’m not surprised.”

“She told me I was nice and she wished all men were like me.”

“The coffee had obviously taken effect and she was hallucinating.”

“I presumed this was the start of the ‘all men are wankers’ speech.”

“Was it?”

“She just said she knows they’re not all like that, just the ones she picked. I said she could always talk to me whenever she needed to.”

“What did she say?”

“Nothing. She was on a roll by now. She said her boyfriend’s idea of a good time was to get hammered before they went out, make a twat of himself whilst they were out and then they would argue all the way home.”

“Isn’t that every couple?”

“I told her to find herself someone else then.”

“Moving in for the kill. I like it.”

“She said she tried to finish with him once and he threatened to kill himself.”


“Oh yes. He asked her to marry him after they had been together a week.”

“How romantic.”





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