Never drink coffee at work. It keeps you awake.




I spent the first 25 years of my life not knowing what I wanted to do.

Jack Dee


I pulled up outside the office and sent a text to Victoria wishing her luck and telling her I loved her.

Much of the morning was spent talking about the holiday and making excuses for the fact there was 3 photo’s and no postcard.. In no time it was lunch. Still no message.

“Do you think she’s OK?” Adam and I did the familiar walk. The same walk every day, moaning about work and life in general. Seeing the same people also doing the same walk at the exact same place, before going back to the office.

If it wasn’t for Adam, I would’ve lost it long ago. People thought I was calm. Inside I was a screaming psychopath.

I saw a film once called ‘Falling Down’ Where the man lost it because everything started to annoy him.

I had every sympathy.

“You said yourself she was going to be really busy today. I bet, as well, she has been the centre of attention and telling them all hundreds of stories about your holiday. You know what she’s like. You haven’t pissed her off again, have you?”

“No, not at all. In fact, the opposite. I spoke to her last night on the way home and she was fine.”

“Not even you can annoy someone not seeing them. If she doesn’t answer you, don’t worry. But for God’s sake don’t ring her at work again.

The last time I did that she answered, said she was busy and hung up on me. She was then in a mood with me for most of the evening.

“I’ll just leave it then.”

We stopped in the cafe round the corner from the office. The lunch was huge and I was full and uncomfortable. I needed a sleep.

“Do we have to go back?”

“I am the last person to ask. I’d always be up for bunking off.”

“What are you doing tonight?”

“Don’t know. See what Vic wants to do. I will probably have to take her out to dinner or something.”

The timing was perfect as we walked back in at one minute to two. Olga looked unimpressed.

Olga was Russian.

Well, Adam said that loud enough for her to hear just to annoy her, which wasn’t difficult. She was from a country that was part of the former Soviet Union that ended in Stan. Anything over and above that I didn’t remember. All I knew was, she must have a twin. Some days she would come into work and be lovely, kind and warm and funny, others she barked and growled like a Rottweiler with PMT and made me want to throw her out of a window. She was all chest and green eyes.

“Nearly late.” She said as we sat down. Adam nodded and smiled and said nothing. She frightened me.

“But nearly late is not late.”

“You need to get on with this work.” Olga passed us two huge folders.

“I need to leave on time tonight. I have stuff to do.”

“Best you make a start on this then.”

It was laborious and time consuming and we didn’t talk for the afternoon. Well, I did the work and Adam drew penises on paper aeroplanes and fired them at me.

I was left filling in spreadsheets and calling other departments. Checking figures and entering them on a spreadsheet. Calling through to the other offices to check information.

But it was done with about 5 minutes to spare.

“I’m glad we got that done.” Adam sounded pleased as he turned off YouTube and ‘Pets do the funniest things.’



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